Monday, June 29, 2015

Dulu, saya nak jadi doktor.

Yerp..dulu, saya nak jadi doktor. Bukan sebab the three most wanted job as a kid (police-doctor-lawyer) tapi sebab mmg aku NAK jadi doktor and all my close family know about this one dream of mine.


Pertama kali hati aku terdetik nak jadi doktor bila pertama kali aku tengok mama disorong keluar dari dewan bedah. Tak sedar. Masa tu aku baru darjah 5. Yerp. Mama sakit Kanser. Breast. But now she's all good and healthy, Praise to Allah! Alhamdulillah!

Itu, kali pertama aku nak jadi doktor. Then bila tengok mama muntah, lembik setiap kali balik chemo. Pertama kali berjauhan for one month bila mama terpaksa stay kat HKL for her radiotherapy and sambung her remaining chemo. Bila mama balik after that one month, botak, no hair. and we anak-anak take around few hours to get to know that it was her. there she was. Mama. It broke her heart that kami anak-anak tak kenal dia masa tu. Yerps,, those moment yang buat kan a 12-years-old fateen jadi tekad nak jadi doktor.

"nak invent chemo yang tak buat orang muntah"
"nak buat ubat yang tak buat orang botak"
"nak cari treatment yang mak-ayah tak yah tinggal anak-anak lama lama"

Then i start to study real hard. lepas mama, woh (my most beloved aunty) pulak masuk hospital. fibroid. and that minor surgeries almost took her life away sebab kecuaian pihak hospital. That was when I'm in form 3. Maka aku tambah lagi tekad "Aku kene belajar betul2 untuk PMR sebab nak masuk aliran sains" A first step nak capai cita2 nak jadi doktor. Magically, I got in.

Then masa form 5, papa collapse from a heart attack. I vividly remember that scene. Ema was sick and daddy was running here and there bawak dia pergi hospital and everything. And then bila semua dah setel, he came back, depan rumah, terduduk, cakap sakit dada. And the hospital-routine starts over again. CCU hospital Pekan, then the doctor said kene transfer sana sini. Sampai dapat appointment dekat IJN, and he get his treatment.

All things that happen buat aku makin yakin dan tekad nak amek aliran kedoktoran. I was accepted to Kolej Matrik Johor--Aliran Sains. dan cita cita makin jelas depan mata. I got to know this one lady, Ain. and yes we both aimed nak jadi doktor. But then again, indeed Allah is the best planner. Ain dapat sambung untuk medic dekat UPM but me tak dapat. I got an offer from Mensoura but mama cakap no and memang dari sekolah menengah lagi apa apa yang aku buat, aku ingatkan pada diri sendiri, kalau mama cakap tidak, means -- tidak. UPU result keluar and i got a place in UMS tp in Computer Science. Waaayy deviated from what I've been aiming for years. Tapi aku terima with the thought that "This what ALLAH had planned for me, maybe there is something better waiting for me ahead"

..and today, as I walked through the end of my Master journey, I'm proud to say that I'm now, an IT people. 'Doktor' komputer. and yes, macam mama selalu pesan, ALLAH tak bagi apa yang kita nak, sebab dia nak bg yang lebih baik pada masa akan datang. I see it now.

And untuk my bestfriend dearly , Ain Nabila Zaim, (currently a medical doctor in HSA), tahniah sebab awak sekarang dah capai cita-cita yang kita sama-sama idamkan dulu. Tahniah sebab sekarang awk dah jadi orang yang menyumbang kepada mereka yang memerlukan. Despite of having to share you with the public now, awak tetap private doctor kite sampai bila-bila. hehe. :)

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Experience make you grow.

"Experience is the best teachers"

Well, saya setuju.

Master journey had taught me a lot. The experience I gained was invaluable. Tak ternilai harga nya.

Dari managing event, sampai tulis paperwork, sampai buat thesis.

Setiap satu langkah tu ada pengalaman tersendiri and YES, it give birth to a more mature me. (but still not mature enough to give up on things like cartoon, chocolates, candy and comics!)

But yes, it was a splendid experience. Rasa macam baru je sibuk2 register dekat DATC. Now I'm finishing my master (insyaALLAH).

ViVA coming in a few days. (Slide tak buat lagi..too occupied writing papers).

Friday, June 26, 2015

Selamat ulangtahun suku abad, fateen!

Wow. 25 tahun. 

I dedicated today to the one that had been carrying me for a good 9 months. 

For all your suffering, backaches, morning sickness, swollen leg along the way. 

To the one that had been enduring a massive amount of pain just to give me a life. 

To the one that had been rising me, taking care of me. 

For all the sleepless night everytime I fall sick. For all the day that i made you worried over my stubborness. For all the patience that you have while ensuring me to have the best of everything. 

And above all, for all the love and passion you have for me. 
I dedicated today, to the one that i've been calling mummy for my entire life. 

Without you mii, i may not even be here. 
Thank you for being and obses-mummy who love to worry over nothing. 

Thank you for everything that you had done for the past 25 years. You, are the best present that I could ever asked for. 

I love you with all my heart. 


Sejak akhir-akhir ni sibuk duk pulun perabih writing thesis, my biological clock had been tuned to those of an owl. 

Lepas aja pukul 12 pagi, mata terbuntang tak bleh tidur, so alang alang selalunya terus tunggu sampai sahur. Lepas sahur, subuh, ngaji sampai pukul 7, then tido. Haha

Selalunya i'll be alarmed by my other housemate bising2 bangun masak utk sahur. Cerita harini: it was all silent and i'm way too focused to the laptop screen and the only sound i heard is suara azan subuh from the nearby masjid. *deng! Terlepas sahurku. Budak2 ni azam ramadan kah yg tak berkutik pun bunyi masak sahur?* that was my first thought. 

Last2 sekali tengok. Ghopenye sekor pun tak sedar dan seisi rumah itu telah terlepas sahur mereka. 

Pengajaran #ramadhan9: jangan terlaku berharap pada orang lain. Alert yourself and set jam walaupun berjaga. Sheshh! 

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Balas dendam.

Banyak sebenarnya benda yg nak ditulis, nak dikongsi. Even aku tau sebenarnya blog ni non hado followers pun. Well, i write for fun. 

Menulis is one of the cheapest therapy for me. It give me pleasure and help to release my stress. 

Boleh tak nak post doplohh post sehari sebab balas dendam tak menulis setahun? Aci tak? Hiks!  

Motivation is medicine.

It's going to end soon and no doubt that the thought of quitting had been running through my mind for few times. 

Stress study, alone and away from family dgn a few family problem yg dtg bertimpa-timpa. My spirit seems to diminished, blown away from time to time. 

But then, setiap kali rasa nak jatuh, setiap kali rasa down. I seek for advices and opinions from others. Mostly my sv and my fellow lecturers. Well, they had been through the same journey before. Of course pengalaman dorg berkoyan koyan.

Well. Motivation is the best medicines. I even go to the extend to visit psychologist and counselor from other uni! Bunyik mcm propa kan. Tp betul. I did it. Friends and families were the strongest support system. No doubt. Tp jgn diminished the power of talking to strangers. 

For me they made the best listeners. They dont know you, or your family. To their eyes, you are just, well, you. They dont judge (most of them dont, some just love to judge you despite of knowing you for merely few months/weeks/days)

But yes, one thing that i come to learn through this journey is the powerful loge among strangers.. And some of them remain as a friend/ big sister for me until now. 

That's it for now. Gotta to move this lazy bum and finished my paper! 

More sharings in the future (since that i already download the blogger apps to my iphone. Hiks!) 

Till next time!
Love mucho. 

Wednesday, June 24, 2015


During my Master journey, I had been given a lots of chances (by my supervisor mostly) to participate and engage in many events and competitions..

IIDEX2015 is one of it. (To be noted: tumpang product orang aje) hiks!

But still, it was a splendid experience for me. On top of that, we won gold! 

Some of the pictures during the competition..

Orang kuat team. (Kipas lebih sikit). Project leader (on the left) and my supervisor on the right. 

 First judge! And it was Dr Kamarulariffin! hahaha!

 Second judge from the industry. 

Proudly present our gold medal! Thanks for the opportunity given! 

A more sincere side of me.

I think this blog reflect me better than any other social page that i have. 

Hmmmm. I'll be actively writing semula lepas totally finishing with my master. 

ViVA on this upcoming thursday! Wish me luck! :)